Chances are that, if you’re considering ending your marriage, it hasn’t been an easy road getting to this point. Regardless of the reason, such as a physical or emotional affair, deciding whether you want to stay in the marriage or end it is going to be one of the hardest decisions you ever have to make. If you’re languishing over what happened, whether to stay or go, then you should consider visiting a marriage or infidelity counselor.
Can Therapy Help Me Decide if I Want to Stay Married?
There is no feeling that compares to the ones that arise when you think, “My marriage is over.” Discovering an affair or having it admitted to you is as devastating as the epiphany that the passion you shared with your partner might be gone forever.
Any roadblock in a marriage can be debilitating—but it can also be overcome with some work. Unfortunately, being caught up in your emotions can cast an invisibility cloak over the possibilities. You don’t see the opportunity to strengthen the relationship.
Can therapy help you decide if you want to stay in your marriage? Yes, it certainly can.
Visiting a therapist is nothing to be ashamed about, especially since they can work with you alone or with your partner and help you both strengthen your marriage.
How Therapists Can Help You Decide What to Do About Marriage
If your relationship is beginning to unravel and fray, you have more than enough reason to visit a marriage counselor. If you are feeling overwhelmed and depressed after discovering an affair, you have more than enough reason to see an infidelity therapist.
Receiving counsel from a trusted therapist has many advantages, including:
Getting More Than Advice
Whether you go to the therapist alone or with your partner, you should keep in mind that this is more than mere advice. Professional therapists are highly educated and skilled at what they do. They will listen to you, help you figure out your own emotions, and give you a safe place to communicate how you really feel.
You might be going to the therapist to figure out how you really feel about the marriage, but you might also glean reasons for why the marriage struggled. This will at least help you discern the true state of the marriage and if staying is better than leaving.
Giving Yourself Time to Feel
If you remained faithful while your partner had an affair, you could be struggling with the aftermath. You might not know how to deal with the betrayal. How do you tell your children and family? Who do you turn to when everything feels so hopeless?
A therapist is an unbiased individual who will listen and help pivot your thoughts so you can figure things out on your own. Therapists ask the questions that you can’t answer yourself. Doing so unearths the emotions that you might have disregarded. Speaking about the pain makes it easier to deal with, and it also gives you the space to think about the issue from every angle.
Rather than making an emotionally charged decision to get a divorce because you are upset, a therapist helps you think rationally.
Decoding Your Partner’s Behavior
Can a therapist help you decide if it’s time for a divorce? They might not tell you directly that your marriage is over, but they will ask the right questions to help you come to that point.
For example, an infidelity therapist might ask you if your unfaithful spouse has been 100% transparent since the discovery. If you say no, your therapist will inform you that recovery is a two-way street. Both of you have to work together and take responsibility for the reasons your marriage fell apart.
Other questions a therapist might ask you include:
- Are you working together to rebuild trust?
- Are you still intimate?
- Do you work together to make the marriage work? Or is one of you doing more than the other?
- Does your spouse blame you for the affair?
- Are they not taking responsibility for their unfaithful actions?
As you answer these questions, you will be guided to the answer that is correct. Your therapist is committed to your emotional and mental health. They will work with you to see the truth, no matter how painful it may be for you.
In the end, no matter what you decide, you will be stronger for it. Not only did you take the right steps to unearth your own traumas and address them, but you can be stronger for your marriage or whatever comes next.
Infidelity and other issues in your marriage can truly shake things up and make your relationship seem unsalvageable. When that happens you might seek out marriage or infidelity counseling to help you through the feelings of uncertainty. The therapist will help you reach that “aha” moment, where you decide if the marriage is over or worth saving.
Couples Academy is another way to find the answers you seek. Created by an infidelity recovery specialist, Couples Academy has lessons, insight, and tools that help you through rough patches and even greater challenges, like infidelity. Looking to move forward together? Fill out the contact form to learn more about how Couples Academy can help.