The general assumption about people who cheat is that they are unhappy in some way. That there is some kind of issue within their relationship or marriage. We are also tempted to say that there was something wrong with the cheater, such as emotional immaturity. But what about those marriages where everything was going so well? What are the reasons a happily married person would cheat? Turns out, there are a variety of reasons.
Here is a list of the reasons that would drive a happily married to cheat.
Needs Not Being Met
Even if you are not happy, you may find that some needs are not fully met. For instance, perhaps your spouse is spending time away from the house more often due to work. Now, you spend less time together, and you are dissatisfied. Maybe they stopped texting you throughout the day and you feel lonely. Some people, cannot resolve this within their marriage. Maybe they do not know how to ask for their needs to be met in a healthy way, and so they look for the solution in someone else.
Self-Exploration
Sometimes a married person is tired of the routine. Sometimes they wonder what else is out there. Yes, it sounds horrible, but this is one of the most common reasons for infidelity. People look at cheating as a method of self-discovery. They may do it to regain their identity or to transform themselves in some way.
Infidelity is freedom for some people. Most of the time, these people do not truly want their normal lives to change. They usually do it to escape some kind of restraint or lack in their routine. For example, an older husband may cheat on his wife with a younger woman because he misses how it felt to be a single, unfettered man. He is not really looking for a relationship; he is just hoping to reconnect with that long-lost part of himself.
Lack Of Personal Boundaries
Why do some happily married people cheat on their spouses? There are some situations when they do not have a choice. You can attribute these mistakes to poor boundaries, otherwise known as the inability to say no.
This could be coupled with a situation where inhibitions are lowered, such as a party at the office where people consumed alcohol. Many one-night stands to happen because someone willfully pressures another with poor boundaries.
Tempting Transgressions
Infidelity is the forbidden fruit. It is the late-night escape out the window as a teenager to go running off with friends. Cheating without getting caught is a thrill. It’s risky—and let’s face it, the risk is exhilarating. Anything forbidden just tastes and feels better than when it is allowed.
Some happily married individuals find themselves tempted to cheat because it is a transgression. There is no denying that the things that tempt people the most are those which they do not have. Should the opportunity arise, these individuals pounce.
Self-Esteem
Sometimes people are driven to do things because they want to make themselves feel better or more desirable in some way. In the same vein, someone may seek to diminish their value. Self-esteem can go either way. There are those in happy marriages who want to sleep with someone else as a means to increase their self-worth or popularity. They may think that sleeping with the most attractive person in the room will have a positive effect on their self-expression.
On the other hand, if your spouse does not feel worthy of you in some way, they may subconsciously want to downplay themselves. Unfortunately, this often points to other issues happening, either for the individual or within the relationship that needs to be addressed as soon as possible.
Emotional Connection With Someone Else
There is a chance that you meet someone and hit it off. Before you know it, you are thinking to yourself, “Wow, they are amazing. Why couldn’t I have met them first?”
Suddenly, you are embroiled in an emotional affair.
Forming connections with other people is gratifying and tempting. Again, look at the temptation of transgression. Having the thing you cannot have, especially when you are already going on coffee dates during lunch break, is like sneaking a cookie when you are on a diet. Sadly, all of that dopamine is going to come crashing down when the affair is discovered.
Different Libidos
Previously, unmet needs were mentioned. That is not solely based on sexual desires. Happy marriages can have dry spells in the bedroom. Passion is hard to maintain when you are dealing with work and children, after all. However, this also leads to people feeling unsatisfied, especially if their libido is naturally higher than their partner’s.
In order to get what they need sexually, some people will start looking for another person with as much drive as them.
Build A Stronger, Healthier Marriage With Couples Academy
What are the reasons a happily married person would cheat? There are many. Usually, it revolves around needing something beyond the current condition of the marriage. However, most of these issues can be resolved with communication instead of infidelity.
If you feel that your marriage is in a slump even if you are happy, perhaps it is time to discuss this with a couples therapist.
Couples Academy has helped numerous married couples overcome infidelity, rebuild trust, and move forward more connected than ever. Happily ever after does exist, but you sometimes have to work for it. We can help. Get in touch today to learn more about our services.
