Infidelity is chaotic and hurtful. Relationships fall apart and marriages are thrown into upheaval. Why do people do it then? What is the main cause of infidelity in marriage? Such questions have led to research and more questions. Unfortunately, no one can say for certain what will make someone unfaithful. Infidelity, at its core, can be difficult to comprehend—and to heal from. There are, however, common reasons for infidelity that you can look out for and resolve before it happens.
The Main Cause Of Infidelity In Marriage
Although there are hundreds of reasons someone may choose to betray you in marriage, the main cause of infidelity is often tied to unhappiness. Now, unhappiness is multifaceted. It can be from a lack of communication or feeling understood and appreciated. Without proper communication, it will be hard for both of you to feel seen.
Of course, there are also instances of people in happy marriages who end up cheating on their spouses. In these cases, those who are unfaithful tend to be swayed by temptation.
As such, there is no singular cause of infidelity in marriage—there are many causes to consider.
Other Causes Of Infidelity In Marriage
Now that you know that unhappiness plays a role in infidelity, here are some other causes to keep in mind:
1. Boredom
Marriage can begin to feel routine. You do the same things every day with your partner. Repeat the same conversations. Eat the same meals. For some people, boredom is the root of unhappiness. They crave unpredictability, and so they seek a thrill somewhere else. Sometimes a person doesn’t know they were seeking such an adventure until the opportunity presents itself.
The sudden swell of excitement can be attractive, and soon they find themselves cheating on you with someone else.
2. Sexual Desire
Sex and intimacy are closely linked. The third link to tie this together is communication. Sometimes people do not talk about what they need or want to experience. Sometimes there are things that your partner does not know to give you, and that can leave you dissatisfied. Furthermore, boredom or a lack of intimacy can drive people to question their own identity, so they may seek out other opportunities to have their desires satisfied elsewhere.
3. Falling Out Of Love
It’s been said before already, but marriage can go a little stale. It’s natural to marry someone when you are both in love and then to slowly feel that love fade. Love is a powerful motivator to do things, but so is a lack of it. Sadly, many people avoid the uncomfortable conversation about love—and how to rekindle it—and start looking for those feelings outside of their marriage.
4. Anger Or Revenge
There are many spouses who engage in cheating purely as an act of revenge. Transgressions from their partner motivate them to “get even.” As you may imagine, this kind of reaction does not “even the score” at all. It only creates more problems. Two wrongs have never made a right, and it will surely not save your marriage. In most cases, two cheats get a divorce.
5. Situational
Has there ever been a time when you are in a different location, such as on vacation, or in an altered state of mind, such as from stress, and find yourself doing things that aren’t exactly for you? You are not alone. Often, people will experience momentary urges to do something uncharacteristic, like cheating on their husband or wife. Landmark events, business vacations, and similar events can drive people to experiment with a one-night stand.
6. No Or Low Commitment
You would think that, when you are married, you and your spouse are committed completely to one another. You have faith that you are in a relationship with your one and only.
What if your partner didn’t view it the same way? What if they weren’t ready or decided that committing to only one person wasn’t for them?
Exclusivity can be daunting for some people. A fear of commitment is very real and also very problematic; it often drives people to cheat, even when they love you.
7. Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can motivate people to do outrageous things. Seems a little uncharacteristic of low self-esteem, but it’s true. Cheaters may sleep with other people as a way to either improve their self-image, feel independent, or gain some popularity or notoriety. On the flip side of that, a person with low self-esteem may also self-sabotage. They may believe that you are too good for them, and so they cheat on you to end the marriage once and for all.
Build A Stronger, Healthier Marriage With Couples Academy
Every cause listed here can be the main cause of infidelity in marriage. As you have seen, there is no singular issue. Infidelity is complex, and for that reason, it must be approached carefully and with understanding. If you have experienced infidelity in your marriage, you may think that it’s the end of everything you ever envisioned with your spouse.
The truth is that, despite all the reasons someone may have an affair, these problems can be healed and your marriage saved. Couples therapy with Couples Academy can help. Our therapists are highly trained in infidelity recovery. We can facilitate the kinds of conversations that lead to deep healing and revitalization of your marriage. Not only that, we help you build a better, healthier connection that will last. Get in touch with us today to learn more about our services.
