One day the dynamic just feels off. You can’t really put a finger on it, and maybe your relationship does not look much different on the outside, but you can tell. You feel your suspicions in your gut. That said, can you tell if your partner is cheating in a marriage? It’s important to gather the evidence before you confront them, after all. Turns out, there are some common signs pointing towards infidelity that you can look for.
8 Signs That Tell You If Your Partner Is Cheating
Although none of the following signs is a guarantee that your spouse is cheating on you, they do often point to issues. Furthermore, people are unique. Some signs will apply while others do not. It is up to you to designate a normal baseline for your partner and then decide what is different from there.
1. Changes In Communication
A communication breakdown is almost always problematic. When you speak less to one another and they stop saying “I love you,” there should be alarms going off in your head. Perhaps your partner even takes to stonewalling you, which means they ignore your concerns or reroute the topics to something else. Perhaps they come off as dismissive or uninterested when you are speaking, or they refuse to answer questions, no matter how innocent.
2. Changed Appearance
Taking an interest in your appearance is generally considered a good thing. Yet, there is a chance that when paired with other behaviors on this list, altering one’s appearance could point to an affair. Your spouse may be dressing nicer than usual when heading off to work. Maybe they decide to get a haircut and start styling their hair a certain way. Maybe they take to wearing a color they never had before.
3. Attitude Shifts
People deal with things that may leave them feeling a certain way. The following changes could signal that something stressful has happened or that your spouse is cheating on you:
- Your spouse was once confident but now has low self-esteem
- They are more pessimistic than before
- Your partner is seeking out thrills and danger more often
- You sense that your spouse is confused about who they are
- They start picking more fights
- They get defensive when you ask about affairs or cheating or deny it completely
4. Staying Away From Home
Sometimes, there are things that draw us away from home. Yet, if that time away from home becomes more frequent and for longer spans, it could be a sign that your spouse is spending time with someone else.
Other signs include:
- Your spouse selecting a new hobby that keeps them away from the house for multiple days throughout the week
- When you try to ask about a new hobby, they disregard your interest
- If you ask about the time spent away, your spouse shoots those questions down
- They are excited when heading out the door
5. The Money Trail
Do you suspect your spouse of infidelity? You may want to track their transactions if your bank account is tied. Separate finances can be a bit harder to follow. That said, there are signs. You may notice your partner being more secretive about their purchases. Maybe they stopped dropping their receipts everywhere, or they are acting more frugal when the two of you are out shopping. Maybe they have new items that they didn’t have before or would have never bought for themselves.
6. Phone Habits
The phone has become so enmeshed in our daily lives that it can be quite obvious when someone’s phone habits change. Someone who is cheating may look at their phone much more often than they used to or be seen typing away when they never really contacted anyone before. Another clear sign is a changed password.
In marriages and committed relationships, it’s not uncommon for people to leave their phones unlocked or to have an easy password that both people know. If your partner suddenly seems possessive or nervous whenever you use their phone, it may mean that there is something they do not want you to see.
7. Defensiveness
Relationships are in a constant state of change. You are both individuals with things going on in your lives. However, one thing that should not change is your ability to communicate plainly. If your partner is suddenly getting defensive during discussions that never used to warrant such a reaction, something may be wrong. For instance, if you ask them where they were before they came home, they may reply with a question. “Why does that matter?” This is because they are buying themselves time to come up with an answer.
8. They Suddenly Pick You Apart
Is your spouse hypercritical of you all of a sudden? That’s not a good sign.
Have you ever heard of the term “cognitive dissonance”? It is a state of anxiety that is caused when the person’s feelings about something do not match their actions.
Take, for example, infidelity. Most people will agree that it is wrong, but despite those feelings, someone may betray their spouse.
To alleviate some of this inner turmoil caused by cognitive dissonance, your cheating partner may decide to criticize you. They are trying to justify their wrongful actions by painting you in a less preferable light. If they make you out to be the bad person, then they are not the problem.
Build A Stronger Marriage Together
Although there is no way to say for certain that someone is cheating, there are signs. Knowing the warning signs of infidelity can help you recognize what is happening before it is too late. Unfaithfulness in a marriage is painful, but there is hope. The sooner you know the truth, the sooner you and your spouse can start your healing journey. Infidelity does not have to be the end of your marriage.
Couples Academy can help couples overcome underlying issues and reconnect within their marriage. Our caring team believes in the power of love and communication, and that is the reason why our clients can overcome the challenges of infidelity together. Get in touch with us today to learn more about our services or to book a consultation.
