There are many different kinds of pain in the world, but few compare to that of betrayal. The pain of infidelity is intense, piercing, and can leave a wound that does not heal for a long time. If you are working towards rebuilding your marriage and life after an affair, you may be wondering, does infidelity pain ever go away? Yes, but it depends on your circumstances, the healing process, and other factors. Here is everything you need to know about the pain of infidelity and how long it lasts.
How Long Does the Pain of Infidelity Last?
The pain you feel is only temporary. However, the amount of time it takes for infidelity pain to go away depends on a variety of factors:
The Extent of the Affair
The biggest component in the level of pain and how long it takes to heal is the severity of the affair. A one night fling is far easier to deal with than a long term affair that went on for a decade. How you view the betrayal will also play into the severity of the incident. In other words, the emotional impact of the infidelity is going to be the biggest determinant to how long it takes to recover.
The hurt will feel worse when only one of you is making the effort to rebuild the relationship. In order to succeed at overcoming infidelity pain, both partners have to be committed.
Unfortunately, there are some instances where the lack of commitment from one partner causes the entire process to derail, often causing more pain. It is important to seek professional help to learn how to reconcile a marriage after infidelity the right way.
Quality of Communication
Being able to talk about your emotions is a powerful portion of the healing process. If you want to overcome the pain of infidelity, make sure you are being open with your partner. Being vulnerable after they hurt you is going to feel like ripping off a bandage—intimidating at first but a relief once it is done.
Conversely, if you and your partner are not communicating effectively, or if one of you is being defensive or placing blame or criticism on the other, it will be harder to build trust and heal. Remember that infidelity, regardless of the reason, is never justifiable. Each partner must take responsibility for their actions, but only the unfaithful partner has to answer for their betrayal.
Infidelity is often a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship, such as a lack of emotional intimacy, communication problems, or unresolved conflicts. If these underlying issues are not addressed, the healing process can take longer or be less successful. Dealing with such issues can be difficult without a mediator to help you and your partner communicate effectively, and so you should look into couples counseling or online affair recovery programs, like Couples Academy.
The Counseling Approach Used
There is no doubt that counseling or therapy is beneficial when it comes to mitigating the pain of infidelity. That said, different therapists have different approaches to how to go about healing. Make sure you find a therapist that makes you feel comfortable and is compassionate about your situation. If you find that a method or approach is not working for you, be sure to make this known. Infidelity is one circumstance that changes depending on the couple, and so your counselor may need to change up the process to accelerate healing.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over an Affair?
Getting over an affair is not a linear process. Some people will get over an affair within months while it may take years for other couples.
In general, however, it can take anywhere from several months to a few years to fully recover from an affair and rebuild trust and intimacy in the relationship.
Also, it goes without saying that healing from infidelity does not mean you have forgotten about the incident or the experience. Instead, healing involves taking the time needed to acknowledge the painful and traumatizing incident. It means working through all the unresolved issues that lead to the betrayal, and then developing an understanding of your partner’s thinking and an appreciation for what you have and are building.
Moving Forward Together
Does infidelity pain ever go away? Yes, but how long the pain lingers depends on several factors. This includes the severity of the infidelity, level of commitment from you and your partner, and the approach and effectiveness you take (or that of your trusted therapist or counselor). Online affair recovery with Couples Academy is one of the steps you can take to reduce the pain you feel. Speak with one of our marriage counselors today to start the healing process. We can help you overcome the pain, rebuild your marriage, and create the relationship you have always wanted. Get in touch with us today to schedule an appointment or learn more about our services.