Once your spouse has been unfaithful, how can you ever love them again? The relationship you constructed together is now a blur of anger and resentment and distrust. You are constantly wondering if they are going to cheat on you again. How could they hurt you? Should you stay with them? Will your marriage ever return to normal? But most of all, you may be wondering, “How do I fall back in love after my spouse has cheated?”
It’s not impossible. You can learn to love, trust, and forgive.
Can A Relationship Return To Normal After My Spouse Has Cheated?
Reclaiming the love you have lost due to infidelity is going to be hard. It is better to abandon the thought that your marriage is going to go back to what it used to be before. If that were to happen, there is a good chance you will end up with the same problems. Because let’s face it, a problem within you and your spouse’s relationship is what caused them to be unfaithful.
So it is best to think of their cheating as not the ending of your story together but as the prologue of a new one.
It is better to focus on building a new connection that is built on love and trust than trying to return to a normal that may not have been healthy.
How To Fall Back In Love With Your Spouse After They Cheated
When it comes to loving your spouse again, it has to be something that both of you want. Love is built over years together. It’s not something random. It will certainly take time to grow the connection that you had before your spouse betrayed you.
With that in mind, here is how to fall back in love with your spouse after they cheated:
Make Sure There Is Remorse For Their Actions
Nothing is going to make things easier than knowing the unfaithful spouse has repented for the damage they have done. If there is no remorse, there is no chance. Read that again. The path towards healing your relationship begins with them closing the door on the affair partner. This should be a strict rule. Zero contact. They should also apologize.
You may want to love your spouse again, but if they aren’t sorry for their actions, if they refuse to acknowledge their role in harming your marriage, then you won’t be able to move forward.
Go To A Couples Therapist
Next, you must both agree to give 100% effort towards this recovery. After an affair, emotions are running at an all-time high. You might feel angry, spiteful, depressed, anxious, and a dozen other things. Tackling those emotions can be challenging. Without a helpful hand to guide you, it’s easy to get lost along the way. That is where a couples therapist like those from Couples Academy can help.
Couples therapy puts you and your partner in a calm environment, where you are prompted to discuss infidelity in a healthier way. You not only get answers and closure, you both learn new ways to speak to each other. The skills you develop in therapy are extremely beneficial when you are trying to learn to love your spouse again.
Talk About Things
To piggyback on the point above, if you aren’t talking during this time, you should be. It can be hard to actively communicate with your partner after they hurt you, but remember that you are a team.
A team that doesn’t communicate is not going to win any matches.
You don’t have to talk about the affair. Talk about the weather or the kids’ sports match. It doesn’t have to be anything major. But you should be checking in with one another, asking questions, and discussing the future of your marriage. During this time, work out the issues that spurred the betrayal.
Trust the process. Don’t try to rush the healing. There are going to be days where you argue and have difficulties. Remember that those days will pass. You will have setbacks, but you are getting stronger together. Ups and downs are part of the road to recovery.
You may want to blame your partner or accuse them of acting wrongly. Think things through before you move on impulse.
In the end, you will be happier knowing that you made it through the trials and can love your spouse again.
Spend Time Together
Think about when you two first met. It was probably not love at first sight. Instead, you went on dates, got to know one another, and eventually, you decided to spend your lives together. That has to happen again. Spending time with your spouse doing the things you both enjoy can rekindle the passion you originally had for each other. Invest time in your hobbies. Go on a vacation. Try learning something new together. Get some exercise.
By taking the time to build the friendship, you work towards regaining that sense of love and trust you had in the beginning.
Couples Academy Can Help You Fall Back In Love
Finding out that your spouse has cheated on you feels like the world has fallen down around you. How will you ever pick up the pieces? So long as you still believe in love, you can get through this together. With the right therapist, a little time, and some compassion, your marriage can be much healthier and more loving.
Couples Academy has helped many married couples like you overcome the challenges of infidelity recovery. Whether you need help processing your emotions or want to rekindle your passion, our therapists can help. Get in touch with us today to learn more about our programs.