When a cheating partner asks to be taken back, what do you do? Give them a mulligan again? Tell them to leave forever? As you may already know, it’s not as easy as it sounds. How many times should a wife take back a cheating spouse? It’s hard to say, as there’s no decided-upon number of acceptable affairs. Rather you need to look for signs to give them the green light or the red light.
Today, we’re going to discuss the signs that help you decide whether to take back a cheating spouse. Let’s begin.
Things To Consider About Infidelity
Believing in second chances is a beautiful thing. But you also must consider the amount of effort and pain giving a cheating spouse a chance might cause. Are you prepared for that? Do you think your relationship is worth it?
Asking yourself these kinds of questions will get to the root of how you truly feel.
Here are some additional questions to consider:
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- How many times has your spouse cheated on you? Is this the first time?
- Does your partner understand that they betrayed you?
- Do they realize that cheating is a problem and could ruin the relationship?
- Are they remorseful for their behavior? Do they regret being unfaithful to you?
- Do you think your partner can be trusted?
- Will you be able to forgive them for their actions?
- Do you have friends and family who can help you reconcile? Or will they impede the process?
- Are you both willing to work on the health of your marriage?
- Will you work to resolve any underlying issues?
- Are you seeking revenge?
By responding to these questions, you can begin to figure out if you should take a cheating spouse back. A majority of positive or optimistic answers show that you believe the affair can be overcome. Negativity, on the other hand, should be addressed by a professional counselor or therapist. Any cause for concern or suspicion must be fixed before you can move on.
Seek Counseling
Marriages bring about numerous issues. Some of those problems can be resolved without ever needing the assistance of a counselor or therapist. Infidelity isn’t one of them. You will need to talk to one another more than you ever have before if you want to take back a cheating spouse and never have to deal with this cheating problem again.
Infidelity counseling can do several things for your relationship. First, you can speak with the therapist alone, giving them insight into your partner’s behavior and the health of your marriage. They might see red flags that you don’t. Furthermore, they can help you both talk about the affair with more ease.
In the end, you could figure out that taking a cheating spouse back is a terrible idea. Or, you may opt to stick together, working through the aftermath of an affair together.
Non-Negotiable Terms And Conditions
Let’s say, hypothetically, that you do decide to allow your cheating partner back into your life. You must emphasize the fact that this will never happen again. If you don’t put this condition in bold, they will take advantage of your kindness. The problem is that cheating can be addictive, and those who cheat are over 350% more likely to do it again than someone who remains faithful.
You must firmly tell your partner that you do not condone any infidelity. Should they cheat on you again, there is no coming back.
Aside from this essential condition, there are several other non-negotiable actions or statements that you must receive:
- The cheating spouse must sincerely end the other relationship and provide you with proof – This goes without saying. In order to move on, the affair must come to a close. If they can’t resist another relationship, it’s over.
- They give you an apology for the betrayal and address how they hurt you – No apology? Then they aren’t remorseful or taking responsibility for their actions.
- Transparency – If he doesn’t let you see his DMs or text messages, be suspicious.
- An honest evaluation of the relationship and ongoing efforts to make it better – Are they acknowledging how badly they hurt you? Are they addressing what is wrong with the marriage? Are you both working together to make it better?
- You should know about the affair(s) in detail – If they want to be taken back, your cheating spouse should divulge everything. Again, transparency.
Signs You Shouldn’t Take Back A Cheating Spouse
The choice is always yours, no matter what. That doesn’t mean you should ignore any red flags.
If any of the following signs exist, you should reconsider giving your cheating spouse a second chance:
- The affair was long-term (more than 6 months).
- They refuse to call off the affair.
- The affair occurred early in your relationship.
- Your spouse doesn’t apologize for their behavior.
- Your spouse refuses to acknowledge how badly they hurt you.
- Your partner had an affair with an ex.
- They have cheated on you before or multiple times.
- They are manipulative or abusive (or both).
Coming to the realization that you can never reconcile is never easy. It’s going to hurt—almost as bad as finding out about the affair. In any of the aforementioned cases, something has to change. Otherwise, your relationship isn’t going to survive.
If you are unsure, seek professional guidance. And remember, during a time like this, your health is most important. Make sure you are evaluating your needs and goals before taking back a cheating spouse.
Now You Can Make The Right Choice
How many times should a wife take back a cheating spouse? It depends on the situation. How much can you tolerate? Do they show remorse for their actions? Are they devoted to changing for the better, or will they just go out and cheat again? Ultimately, the decision to take someone back after they’ve cheated is yours and yours alone.
But if you need some help, consider Couples Academy. Whether you need tools to address the pain of infidelity, or you both have decided to work towards a stronger marriage, Couples Academy has tools to help. You deserve a happy marriage. Fill out the contact form to learn more about the services we provide.
