Though mistakes happen all the time in relationships, affairs are one of the most challenging to resolve. Now, you have committed that grave mistake—you cheated on your spouse. Having betrayed the trust of your partner, you are now wondering how to rebuild a connection between the two of you. Let it be said that restoring your marriage is going to be a slippery slope.
It’s going to take a lot of work to face someone who once believed in you and now sees your mistakes. It’s going to take even more effort to make your spouse feel stable in the relationship again.
So how do you show your spouse that you love them after an affair? Let’s find out.
Your Tasks From Here On Out
As the unfaithful partner, you have a couple of important duties. Due to the betrayal, your spouse is going to be anguished. Perhaps they even developed some signs of PTSD.
Here is what you must do to help them work through the initial trauma:
- End the affair, if you have not already
- Be honest and express remorse to your partner about what you have done
- Work with your partner through their emotions
- Promise not to repeat your mistakes—and to learn from them
Transparency and honesty are essential to show your spouse you love them. Checking in with your partner, showing them any text messages and emails you have received, and tell them often that you are sorry and that you love them are all examples of this.
You must also ask yourself if you have given enough details about the affair. In most cases, nothing is going to satisfy your spouse and give them enough closure as full disclosure. Tell them everything, including the reasons why it happened.
Connecting To Your Partner After An Affair
So you have a great deal of work ahead of you. Not only do you have to be accountable for your actions, you also have to express yourself honestly and give up a bit of your privacy. Not only that, but you have to consistently make an effort every single day to show your spouse that you love them.
The best way to show love for your spouse is to talk to them. Use the affair to open up space for communication, to talk about the health of your marriage. If you are uncomfortable with speaking to one another or don’t know how to consider including a licensed therapist. In therapy, the two of you can feel safe to speak freely.
It is best to use this period in therapy to flesh out the issues that may have driven you to cheat on your loved one. That way, you are both aware of what you can work on to make your new relationship healthier than the last.
Actions Are Louder Than Words
By admitting your mistakes and ending the affair, you have already shown your spouse that you are serious about maintaining your marriage. You must also back up those actions. Once, you and your spouse had a lot to share—you got married, after all. What you did, however, erased all that.
Now, you have to be better than before. Do as you say you will, and you will be on track for rebuilding trust between the two of you. Some examples include doing chores around the house when you say you will do them or spending quality time with your partner.
Patience Is Key
Through therapy and increased communication, you may believe that leads to your spouse getting over the affair faster. However, that’s not the case. Everyone deals with such emotional damage in their own unique way. You may find that your spouse loses patience with you, even if you are doing everything right. You may have to deal with hard and difficult conversations on days when you are already frustrated.
Do not lose patience. Approach all this with compassion.
Recovering from infidelity takes months or years. Over this time, you should not lessen your efforts at showing love. Continue the line of honest and transparent communication. Do not repeat the cycle of blame, if there was one before. Avoid losing patience or thinking of the past. This is a new relationship you are building, and you need to consistently work together to make it work.
Move Ahead Together With Compassion
Overcoming infidelity as the one who cheated is not easy, especially when your partner has become distant. Showing that you love your partner and want to rebuild your marriage is going to take time. You are going to have to learn how to communicate with one another, and how to tackle issues together. Alone, such things may feel impossible, which is why you enlist a couples therapist.
Couples Academy was created by a marriage counselor and infidelity recovery specialist to guide couples like you towards a stronger connection. Whether you are overcoming the challenges of infidelity or other issues in your marriage, Couples Academy can help. Give us a call or send a message today.