Culture has taught us that marriage should be perfect. You meet the perfect person, have the perfect wedding, and then go on to live the ideal life. However, this idea of “happily ever after” does not exist. Most of the time, it is because of lies. What are the lies we believe about our spouse and our marriage? There are many, and they are probably holding you back from claiming the fulfilling “ever after” you are meant to have.
How Lies Affect Your Marriage
Lies may seem small and insignificant at first, but those lies tend to snowball faster than you might believe. Lies lead to decreased trust, the weakening of your relationship, and a brittleness that causes snapping and rage at the toss of a coin. When people say that lies can destroy relationships, they are not joking. Keeping secrets is like putting up a barrier that stops communication before it begins. You may notice diminished intimacy and even the feeling that you truly don’t know your partner at all.
What Are The Lies We Believe About Our Spouse?
In order to make the most of your marriage, you have to stop believing in certain lies. Knowing which untruths are the most dangerous is a good place to start. So, without further ado, let’s look at the lies we believe about our spouse:
1. If It Takes Work, It’s Not Right
Okay, stop right there. No relationship, not even a marriage, is conducted without some kind of transaction, such as stability, love, companionship, intimacy, and so on. In order to keep that transaction going, you need to put in the work. No relationship is easy, because there is a constant give and take; it is hard to monitor that give and take when you believe lies (or when someone is lying).
Instead of wondering if bickering means you are not right for one another, ask if there is something happening that is making your spouse defensive. Are they stressed? Did you approach them the wrong way? Where are you two struggling to understand one another?
The answers won’t come to you overnight. Sometimes, you may even need to attend couples therapy to get to the bottom of it.
2. They Don’t Have To Change
There is this misconception that people should not alter who they are for the other person. Do you think that your spouse is perfect and that everything is your fault? No. Marriage is about supporting each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
Few relationships survive for long when both members refuse to change.
Furthermore, if your spouse is doing something that you cannot tolerate, such as leaving their dirty laundry on the floor or putting garbage in the kitchen sink, you have to tell them about it. If you say nothing, they are going to think you are fine with it.
3. Did They Fall Out Of Love With Me?
Maybe your spouse became emotionally distant and then had an emotional affair with a coworker. Maybe they openly cheated on you or decided to leave. The lie is that you think they no longer love you. Sometimes, it is true. There are instances where love fades, but that does not mean their love for you was always a lie.
More commonly, you believe they fell out of love with you because you stopped trying to connect. Work, children, stress…all these things can drive a wedge between you. It can make the spark that was shared by both of you vanish.
If it feels like love is absent from your marriage, it may be time to ask what is going on. Couples therapy can help open the door to the conversation and guide you toward a resolution.
4. They Deserve Better Than Me
Trauma from past relationships often leaves scars deep within that start to resurface whenever your spouse gives you room for doubt. Whenever you have an argument, or they shut down, you start to think that you are the problem. They deserve better than me, you think.
Unfortunately, believing they can do better is going to cause some things to manifest. When you hold your relationship in a negative perspective, it shows. Your spouse may feel that you are pushing them away, and that could very well lead to them seeking out someone else.
The truth is that we are all worthy of love. You deserve to be with the person you love, and they deserve to be with you.
Overcome Lies And Get Stronger Together
There are many lies that we believe about our spouse. You may believe that your marriage is fine the way it is, that they did what they did because they don’t love you, or that you are going to live happily ever after if you just work for it. The truth is that marriages take work. Instead of living a lie, it is time to work together to build something that feels real and tangible. Couples Academy can help you reestablish the connection that brought you together and create the marriage you have always dreamed about. Give us a call today to start your healing journey.