Since getting married or into a relationship, you may have realized that it’s not like the fairy tales where things are happily ever after. No, it’s more like “happily with struggle.” Any kind of relationship requires effort to build up and make stronger, which is why some relationships fall apart—you neither have the tools nor the experience. That is why sometimes you have to bring in the professionals; and by pros, we mean a marriage counselor (or couples therapist).
There are a number of signs you need to see a marriage counselor—together—but here are the top 10:
1. You Aren’t Talking
One of the most common challenges with relationships is the inability to communicate. So many people know how to talk until it comes to discussing what they like or don’t like. Therapists can show you new ways to communicate with each other that make sense. Similarly, if your partner refuses to listen to what you have to say, you should go to the marriage counselor. Tuning one another out or avoiding conversation all together can truly put a strain on your connection, so start figuring out better methods for talking and listening in therapy.
2. It’s Always Negative Conversations
Sometimes, even when you are talking, you may focus on the negatives. When what you say is constantly negative, it could leave your spouse feeling invalidated, disregarded, shamed, and insecure. They may even seek to withdraw from your presence, because they have experienced emotional and verbal abuse in the past. Remember, negative conversation is not just what you say but also the tone that you use.
Therapists and counselors are excellent at figuring out the root of the negative talk. Not only will you and your partner learn how to cope with the underlying issues, you also learn newer, more healthy patterns of speaking to each other.
3. You’re Stuck On The Same Issues
Is there something that comes up in conversation that you just don’t know how to get past? Unfortunately, this isn’t good. Having an issue that goes unsolved or disregarded leads to withdrawal. If it goes unresolved for too long, you’re going to start dancing around it, and that could lead to patterns that gridlock you. A therapist can help you navigate these deadlocked issues, so you can successfully resolve the conflict.
4. You Argue About Social Media Usage
Some couples have problems with the way one person uses social media. Maybe they have a history of emotional cheating, and you’re nervous the next DM could send them down that road again. This could cause discontent between the two of you. How do you fix this? Head to a marriage counselor for a discussion about healthy boundaries. Therapists are well versed in this kind of problem, so they can help you reach a resolution more quickly.
5. You’re Not Having Sex
Intimacy is important in a healthy relationship. Dry spells happen, but they should not be long-lasting. In fact, a chronic lack o f sex often means you and your partner are not compatible. A marriage counselor may be able to give you some ideas for rekindling passion, especially if you and your partner are recovering from an argument or affair.
6. Your Relationship Is Stunting Growth
Within a relationship, there should be two individuals who lift one another up, not bring one another down. Stunted growth is a sign that you and your partner are tangled up or dragging one another somehow. This could turn into a toxic relationship quickly (or slowly). A marriage counselor could show you how to both encourage one another. You may even want to start up with individual therapy to figure out where your own mental blocks have formed.
7. You Have Contemplated (or Have Had) An Affair
Infidelity is often caused by your desire for more. If your current relationship isn’t serving your needs, it is prudent to seek therapy before you make a terrible mistake. Affairs are never the answer. For those who are recovering from an affair, counseling is more important than ever, especially if you wish to salvage your marriage.
8. Two Words: Financial Infidelity
Being financially unfaithful, as in hiding purchases or cash flow from your partner, can be just as devastating as a sexual affair. Being that you are in a partnership with another person, you should both have access to the finances, the budget, and even your shared debts. Seeing as how this could create a conflict, seek professional assistance to work through this.
9. There Is An Ideological Difference
Back when you got married, you two may have been on the same page with a lot of issues. Well, now you’re older now, and opinions change. If you find yourselves arguing because your ideologies differ so dramatically, it may be time to seek out therapy. Having an unbiased perspective meet you both in the middle could help you come to an accord.
10. If Only They Would Change!
In a perfect world, our partners would change themselves whenever we had a problem with something. Realistically speaking, waiting on someone else to change means you’re going to be twiddling your thumbs for a long time. The only person you are 100% responsible for in this world is you. Therapy can help you both compromise or work through challenges that lead to such hang ups. After all, counselors, coaches, and therapists are here to help you figure out your own identity, wants, and desires.
Happy Couples Go To Therapy
One of the things you should recognize by now is that there is no reason not to go to marriage counseling or therapy. People who are in the happiest and healthiest of relationships also have problems. The difference is how they deal with those problems. Once you have learned how to approach arguments with love and compassion, you and your partner will be able to get through it.
Couples Academy is here to show you a new brand of marriage counseling. Our thoughtful process teaches you and your partner new skills to navigate even the toughest of challenges together. Give us a call or send us a message today to learn more.