When you say “I do” on the day of your marriage, you anticipate building a life together with the person you love. What you do not expect is their betrayal. Finding out that your spouse has lied to you and had an intimate relationship with someone else is appalling, to say the least. You find yourself broken down. Drowning. You may even think, “This is it. Our marriage is over.” But it’s not—there is still hope. Your marriage can survive infidelity.
What are the odds? Let’s find out.
Statistics On Infidelity
A study conducted by the Institute for Family Studies reported that men are more likely to cheat in a relationship. Among the participants, 20% of the men and 13% of the women stated they had had sex with someone who wasn’t their spouse. Other studies have found that about 20-25% of marriages are impacted by infidelity.
Of course, people cheat for a variety of reasons when married. Many of those reasons fall into one of four categories:
- Hunger
- Anger
- Loneliness
- Tiredness
Yet, between genders and religions and even personal backgrounds, the motivation to cheat is distinct from individual to individual. Understanding the why behind the betrayal is crucial to recovering from an affair, especially when you are married.
That brings you to what you have been wondering.
What Percentage Of Marriages Survive Infidelity?
Although the occurrence of infidelity is widely discussed, few conversations barely scratch the surface of what happens after. Is pulling through the pain of infidelity possible? Can you continue on with your spouse even though it feels like everything is falling apart? You may be surprised.
One survey from Health Testing Centers was held in 2019. A small group of 441 people was contacted and asked questions about affairs. Each one had admitted to cheating during a relationship. Of those 441 people, about 54.5% broke up immediately after the affair had been found out. 30% tried sticking together only to wind up with a divorce after cheating. What percentage survived? 15.6%.
Now here is the interesting part: 23.6% of the participants that had been married tried to save their relationship. Furthermore, the same survey found that those who were married were more likely to wait to tell their partners. 47.9% waited for at least 6 months before confessing.
Divorce magazine also conducted some research on the matter. The publication found that 60-75% of couples remained together after infidelity. The reasons for sticking together were not always because of love but of uncertainty.
What was the difference between that 15.6% survival rate and the 60-75%?
Here is where the good news comes in. When married couples attend couples therapy post-affair, the chance of their marriage surviving increases dramatically. Couples Therapy, Inc. found that 60-80% of couples can “rebuild trust and leave couples therapy with their marriages in a much better place.”
How To Keep Your Marriage After Infidelity
Infidelity is a truly agonizing experience. Embarrassment, shame, guilt, grief, depression, anxiety, and emptiness can all result from being betrayed or having an affair. Suddenly, you are waking up to someone you once loved and see them as a liar. But it does not have to remain that way. If you want to save your marriage, you need to make an effort.
If there is one thing to be said about those married couples who overcame infidelity, it is that they worked hard. You must have faith in the relationship. You must also learn how to communicate.
Here are some tips to make sure your marriage survives:
1. Attend Couples Therapy
There is no easy way to ensure that your marriage is going to survive infidelity, especially if you try to do it alone. Having a professional couples therapist on your side helps. Being in a safe environment and letting an unbiased presence ask the questions relieves some of the tension. You can also learn valuable skills for communicating with your partner.
2. Talk About The Affair
Knowing the nature of the affair brings you a step closer to accepting what happened. Guided by a licensed therapist like those at Couples Academy, you can start asking the questions that will bring you closure. In order to heal the wounds, the partner who had the affair must answer honestly and completely. Discuss how and when the affair began, what happened, who knew, and whether the affair is completely
over.
3. Figure Out What Went Wrong
In order to survive, you must first understand what needs to be fixed. Although you may want to initially, constantly blaming only your partner for the affair will lead to problems. It is important that both of you come to terms with the rift between you. Understanding where the breakdown began and knowing how to repair it will pave the way to a stronger relationship in the future.
4. Build Trust
When considering what percentage of marriages survive infidelity, it is important to consider the breach of trust. If you cannot rebuild that trust, your marriage is going to fall by the wayside. You must work together as a team and rekindle the connection that was lost after the betrayal. This can be done in and out of couples therapy. Spend time together doing the things you love.
For the partner who had the affair, it is important to show up, be responsible and transparent for your actions, and atone for your mistakes.
5. Practice Self-Care
The days after the affair are going to be among the hardest. Although you are focused on your marriage surviving infidelity, it is also important to give some space to yourself. Engage in self-care. Be gentle with yourself. Find beneficial outlets for your feelings. The happier you feel by yourself, the more positive you will feel about the healing process.
Overcome Infidelity Together With Couples Academy
What percentage of marriages survive infidelity? It depends. With couples therapy, between 60-75% of marriages can survive. The percentage is lower without assistance. While infidelity is painful, it is not something insurmountable. You and your partner can overcome this trial together and come out of it with a stronger, more loving connection. Couples Academy can help. Our counselors understand the difficulties of infidelity recovery, and so we compassionately guide you and your partner through it all. Ready to learn how to rekindle a marriage after infidelity? Get in contact with us to learn more about our programs.
