Based on convention, you may have been led to believe that those you cheat once are bound to do so again. This also means that if you take a cheater back, you are only setting yourself up for more pain. So why would anyone stay in a relationship like that? Well, leaving is not easy, no matter the reason, and you are not always signing a contract for betrayal by staying. There are concrete ways to tell if your cheating partner is going to cheat again, as well as ways to keep that from happening.
Why Cheating Hurts
Cheating is a betrayal of everything you knew to be true about your partner. You believed they were faithful and caring, and that they would never hurt you in such a way. That was your partner being one kind of way. Then, they cheat, and you discover a new layer to them—one you may not like so much. This is why infidelity is devastating. Unfaithfulness causes upheaval in the relationship and with your emotions.
So if you feel unsure about what to do next after your partner cheats, you are not alone.
How To Tell If A Cheater Is Going To Cheat Again
Yes, there is such a thing as serial cheating. Research has suggested that unmarried individuals who have cheated once are three times more likely to cheat on someone else. Of course, there was one fault in this study—that the participants were self-reporting. Few people will actively confess to cheating. That said, other studies have found that cheating happens during times of stress, including financial strain.
The fact of the matter is that people who have cheated once are more likely to do it again.
However, there is a way for you to tell if your partner is going to deceive you again. Take a moment to consider how your partner has behaved since you discovered their infidelity. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Did my partner empathize with my hurt and pain? Was their apology for hurting me genuine?
- Have they shown true remorse for the pain they caused?
- Did they blame someone else for their choice to cheat on me?
- Was my partner open and honest about what they did? Have I received full disclosure of the incident?
- Can they talk about what they did without shutting down or turning their negative emotions on me?
- Most importantly, do they desire to learn from this experience and move forward with this relationship?
How someone handles themselves when they are caught doing something wrong says a lot about their character. You will know it in your heart if your partner is going to cheat on you again, even if they tell you right now that they never could repeat such a mistake.
Remember, past behaviors can predict the future. If they are not remorseful, if they do not care about how you feel, then they will most likely go and cheat again—soon.
Should You Stay With A Cheater Or Leave?
It is possible for someone who had cheated in the past to change during their relationship with you and never cheat again. It is also very possible that that same person betrays your trust and then realizes, after infidelity, that they have made a grave mistake. Again, gauge their attitude towards the relationship after they have cheated. This is important because you will know if the relationship is worth the effort.
As long as the two of you are willing to put in the work and change for the better, staying with someone who has cheated is a perfectly fine choice. If they refuse to take responsibility or see the wrong in their actions, it may be healthier to call an end to your relationship.
What Does It Mean To Put In Work?
Bouncing back from the earthquake infidelity has caused will require serious commitment from both partners. This means that you need to put time and effort into healing. So if one of you refuses to meet in the middle, there is going to be trouble. The best way to overcome the hurt of infidelity and ensure a cheater isn’t going to cheat again is to attend couples therapy together.
You need to come to understand what caused the cheater to do so in the first place. Once you know those reasons, you can start focusing on healing. A therapist can guide you through this process and make it easier to discuss your feelings and issues with the relationship. If both of you have difficulty expressing your wants and needs, for example, a therapist can offer methods that open up a clearer channel of communicating.
In this way, you can build trust and stability in your relationship once again.
Stop The Cheating And Start Living
While it is true that cheaters are often compelled to cheat, again and again, that does not mean it will happen to you. People make mistakes. As long as you are willing to commit to the relationship you have and work together to make it stronger, cheaters can change. Cheaters can
become the best partner you ever had.
Couples Academy can show you how to make this a reality. Whether you are recovering from infidelity or are concerned about your partner’s behaviors, the team from Couples Academy can offer insight and resources to strengthen your relationship. Give us a call today to learn more about our counseling programs.