It begins with your husband spending more time at work with a coworker. Even though he has assured you that it’s just for work, that there is nothing between them, something continues to nag at you. Then you find out that your husband has been unfaithful, and the pain and anger you feel is indescribable. How do you get over your husband’s affair when he has hurt you so badly? Is it possible to heal?
Does Infidelity Mean You Are No Longer In Love?
There are plenty of reasons someone cheats, though none of those reasons are justifiable. Some men have an ego, while others need to fill a need. Perhaps they lack self-control or have gotten bored of marriage. The problem with infidelity is that it often happens when a single small opportunity steps forward, one full of temptation and the promise of excitement.
An affair may happen overnight then cease to exist. Love, on the other hand, takes months and years to fully develop.
So an affair does not necessarily mean that love is dead in your relationship. Infidelity is pointing to a weakness in your marriage, to a place where there is a lack of communication. By pinpointing those issues that you have been ignoring, you may be able to save your marriage and never have to worry about your husband betraying you again.
How To Get Over Your Husband’s Affair
Getting over your husband’s marriage is going to take a lot of work, especially if you decide to stay together. But there have been many married couples who surmount the pain of betrayal and survive infidelity. Now that you know that there is hope for your marriage, let’s discuss some ways to start working through the trauma.
Check Out Where You Stand
You found out about the affair. Do you know that it is truly over? Has your husband ended communication with that person? If the affair is done, then you are in the right position to move on. If not, the affair must end before you can get over it.
At this point, you are feeling a lot of things—anger, sadness, hopelessness, depression, panic, resentment, and so much more. Managing those emotions on your own may be difficult, but you cannot get over your husband’s affair without taking the time to assess how you feel.
Also, do not act out of rage or suspicion. You may be tempted to kick him out of the house for his wrongdoing, but that rarely solves anything. Give yourself some time to think clearly again; then call up someone unbiased, like an infidelity therapist from Couples Academy.
Speak With An Infidelity Therapist
How do you get over your husband’s affair? Not alone. While the thought of going to therapy because you were betrayed by your spouse might seem like an overreaction, it’s not. Affairs can be life-altering and scarring. Having someone who acts as a calming presence in the room can help you and your husband come together civilly and chat. The therapist can also ask questions to drive the conversation, so you can both find closure and start to trust one another again.
If you have struggled in the past with communicating your needs in the marriage, then you should certainly speak with an infidelity therapist. They will ensure that your husband is being honest about why the affair happened.
Do You Sense Genuine Regret And Remorse?
While you may be tempted to question everything your husband does after the affair, you can rest a little easier when your husband is remorseful. He can’t come off as nonchalant about his actions. If he cheated and you are not sensing remorse for the hurt he caused, then something is wrong.
Remorse, though, is an excellent sign. This means your husband understands that his actions have wounded you. Getting over the affair is much easier when your partner knows what they did was wrong and wants to do whatever they can to make it right.
Take Care Of Yourself
If you are struggling to sleep at night since finding out your husband lied to you, it’s not because you’re going crazy. Infidelity triggers a stress response, including nausea, shakiness, lack of appetite, difficulty concentrating, and more. Getting over your husband’s affair means practicing a little bit of self-care along the way. Maintain a regular sleep schedule, drink plenty of water, eat nourishing meals, and try to have some fun whenever you can.
Avoid Blaming Your Husband And Yourself
It’s natural to want to point the finger at someone and say, “It’s all your fault.” However, that is not entirely true. One thing you will learn during therapy sessions is that blaming people is a waste of energy. Whether the infidelity was caused by unexpressed needs and desires in your marriage or a moment of sheer temptation, it doesn’t matter. Getting beyond that betrayal is what is important.
Stay positive. Seek to understand your husband’s motives for his actions instead of blaming him. Comprehend his reasons rather than vilifying him. The sooner you can do that, the sooner you move on.
You Can Move On, Together
Getting over your husband’s affair will not be easy. Do it anyway. There may be times where it seems like the marriage is struggling, but if you remember to work through the problems together and continue to communicate, you will rise above the betrayal.
If you need help, turn to Couples Academy. More than a marriage counseling service, Couples Academy is a unique program designed to give you tools and resources to strengthen your relationship. Get in touch with us today to learn more about our services.