Cheating is seen as problematic in the eyes of society, and it is, make no mistake of that. Yet, once you have experienced being cheated on (or did the cheating), your views about the act tend to shift one way or the other. What hurts one person provides a rush for someone else. Often, this leads to people discovering the ugly truths about cheating—the things that people do not talk about but should.
Cheating Means Lying to Someone You Love
Let’s begin with the ugliest truth of all: that cheating requires you to lie to someone you love directly to their face. For most people, cheating on their spouse or their partner is not intended. It may be a one-time mistake that happened because the temptation was there and they were too drunk, tired, or lonely to pass it by.
Unfortunately, even cheating just one time is a hard secret to keep. You did something regrettable, and now you must pretend for every single day of your life that it never happened. Should the cheating persist, the guise of normalcy gets even harder to maintain.
Can you truly deal with hurting someone you love in that way?
Cheaters Are Disconnected From Their Partner
Many people think that cheating is a random occurrence, and it can be. However, most people do not wake up one day and say, “Today’s the day I’m cheating on my spouse!” In a happy and healthy marriage (or relationship), there is no need to cheat. There is a strong connection between two people that endures no matter the challenges that come. A cheater does not know how to maintain a healthy relationship for long, and so they begin to become disconnected from their spouse or partner.
This disconnect is not sudden. It happens over time, as two people begin to become wrapped in their own responsibilities and routines. Cheaters disengage from this and desire the honeymoon phase more than anything. They want the rush of newfound chemistry.
And so they do something unjustifiable for that feeling.
Cheating Is Often an Escape From Real Life
In today’s world, people are constantly searching for the next best thing to help them escape reality. For some, that escape comes in the form of sex. There are few, if any, relationships that last without running into some kind of problem, be it health, finances, distance, work, or something else. When that happens, sex may be put on the back burner. What happens then to the individual who uses sex to escape the stress of all those things? If they are not getting that from their partner, they may start looking elsewhere for that release.
The cycle may also repeat, being that every relationship is going to be impacted by real life at some point. The only way to overcome the cycle is to break it by attending therapy, such as a session at Couples Academy.
Cheaters Want Validation From Someone Else
When emotional and sexual satisfaction in the current relationship falls flat of expectations, cheaters go out in search of someone other than their spouse to lean on. Now, this is a red flag. In any healthy relationship, you should be able to go to your partner and explain how you are feeling, as well as your needs, wants, and goals.
Although poor communication does not always lead to cheating, it is often more than enough of a reason for cheaters to cheat. Sometimes, this could mean they establish an intimate but non-sexual relationship with someone else, known as emotional cheating or emotional infidelity. Other times, that need for emotional validation leads to something physical.
Those Who Cheat Regularly Think It’s Normal
By default, most people know that betraying the person they are seeing or married to is downright heinous. Cheaters, particularly serial cheaters, think nothing of cheating or hurting someone else. Many cheaters do not see the value in building a life with someone; they only see what they want. They would rather betray someone than work out an issue or commit to a relationship.
Usually, this thinking stems from their social circle or the environment where they grew up. Seeing cheating normalizes it for people. Watching others get away with it makes it more acceptable. There are also mental illnesses that drive people to impulsively cheat, and they do not realize how wrong their actions are because of such influences.
Ultimately, Cheating Ends With Hurt
The cheater may never come to realize this, but their actions injure others. Greatly. The person they betray is inflicted with a deep wound that may take months or years to heal. Rebuilding that trust may feel impossible without some form of relationship therapy or counseling.
Perhaps, the person the cheater hurt also goes on to cheat for the sake of revenge. Thus, they end up hurting someone else.
But this does not always happen. Sometimes, when the cheater feels guilty, a relationship can be made stronger than it was before. Sometimes, cheating opens the door to an opportunity to rescue a marriage. Yes, discovering infidelity is always going to hurt, but if you and your partner truly love one another and want to save what you have built, then not even cheating can hold you back.
It will take work, including marriage counseling from Couples Academy, to help you pull through. But if you believe in one another, you can do it.
Build a Stronger Relationship with Couples Academy
Cheating on someone is a terrible thing, but the act does not need to be perpetuated. You can recover from cheating or from being cheated on. With a team of marriage counselors and couples therapists at your back, there is nothing that you and your spouse cannot overcome. Your relationship is stronger than an incidence of cheating.
Couples Academy can help you get back on track, by helping you discover the underlying issues hurting your marriage and relationship. Ready to build a stronger connection together? Contact Couples Academy today to learn more about our couples therapy programs.