It is shocking to think that nearly 50% of married couples in the United States have experienced infidelity at some point in their relationship. You probably hoped that an affair would never trouble your marriage. But now, here you are, trying to figure out how to mend your marriage after an affair. There is a lot to overcome if you want to recover and move on from this painful experience. Today, you are going to learn about the affair recovery process, including how infidelity therapy can help.
What Is The Definition Of Infidelity?
First, let’s define an important term: infidelity. For most people, infidelity is easy to imagine, but it is difficult to describe. You know what it means when someone cheats on someone else. The truth, however, is a bit more complicated. Infidelity can be a number of things, from an emotional connection forged in an online forum to a one-night stand to a long-term sexual affair. What is common in all bouts of infidelity, though, is betrayal.
Affairs are traumatic. Little more can rock the foundation of a strong relationship like learning that your partner has had sex or intimate thoughts about someone else. Often, the betrayed individual develops symptoms of PTSD because of the pain they experience.
Does Marriage Counseling Work After Infidelity?
In the wake of such a betrayal, you and your partner may not know what to do or how to proceed. Due to the delicacy of the situation, it is recommended that you do not try to handle this on your own. Ultimately, you want to heal from this. You want to mend your marriage. In order to do that, you need someone who can guide you past the pain of the affair.
Infidelity therapy and marriage counseling are two effective methods for figuring out why the affair happened and healing the rift between you and your partner.
So does marriage counseling work after infidelity? Yes! Counselors and therapists may work a little differently, but they both have the same goal: of helping you figure out your emotions and communicate more effectively. With an infidelity therapist and marriage counselor, you can openly talk about the affair without any fear of judgment.
Together, you and your partner can come to terms with the affair. The reasons for the affair can come to light, and those issues will become the focal point of your sessions. Over time, those problems can be corrected, and you will have a firmer foundation than in the past. Your marriage will begin to mend.
How Do You Mend Your Marriage After An Affair?
Overcoming an affair and growing stronger together is not going to happen overnight. There are many steps and stages involved with affair recovery.
Here are several tips to help you mend your marriage after an affair:
It does not matter if you have been struggling with the aftermath of an affair for months or just found out yesterday. It is never too late to meet with an infidelity therapist and start the healing process. As mentioned earlier, therapists and counselors have been trained to handle the complexities of infidelity or marriage issues. Alone, you and your partner may end up repeating the same mistakes that led to the affair in the first place. When you are guided by a therapist, those issues are brought to the forefront and tackled using healthy methods.
Not only will you feel more mentally stable after a few sessions of therapy, but you may also even begin to think that affairs are not impossible to overcome. And that is the truth!
Cease And Discuss
For the person who betrayed their partner, there are two things you must do in order to mend the broken marriage. You must cease all contact with the person you had the affair with and discuss the details with your spouse. If you are truly open to recovering from the affair and maintaining the marriage, there should be no more secrets. No more communication with your affair partner. Cutting it off with them is how you ensure that you and your spouse are going to thrive.
Keep in mind that you will also be asked to share your phone and other means of communication with your wife or husband. Any sign of anger and frustration could be taken the wrong way.
Additionally, discussing the affair is essential. Transparency is the beginning of the healing process. Your lifelong partner is going to want to know the details. Every last part. Be cooperative. Show them that you can be trusted by answering their questions to the best of your ability.
Manage Pain And Infidelity Triggers
Betrayal can be as harrowing for some as escaping a natural disaster or battlefield. There is no denying that infidelity is a ragged wound. Each of you may be feeling grief and sadness and loneliness in the days ahead. It is important that you avoid becoming aggressive with one another. Instead, try to be tender and kind. Apologize when you hurt one another. Express in words how you understand why your partner is upset.
For example, if you are both watching a movie where the main character has an affair and you notice that your spouse is triggered, turn the movie off or speed up the scene. Then say, “I see how the movie is upsetting you. I understand why and I apologize for hurting you. That will not happen again.”
Not only does this open the opportunity for healing, but it also shows remorse. It allows your partner to feel safe and secure.
Of course, triggers and pain are unpredictable at times. You cannot expect every moment of anger or upset to disappear quickly. However, these triggers will fade with some more time.
Recover From Infidelity Together With Couples Academy
There is no getting around this truth: Mending a marriage after infidelity is going to take time. Handling the raw emotions you feel is part of the challenge. Staying open and kind towards your partner is another hill to climb. Fortunately, you do not have to do this alone. Infidelity therapy can change the course of your affair recovery for the better. Talking to a professional therapist like those at Couples Academy can teach you new ways to communicate and heal together.
If you want to grow stronger together regardless of the challenges, Couples Academy can help. We believe that infidelity is not the end but the opening of a new chapter for you and your spouse. Ready to recover? Get in touch with us to learn more about our programs.